6. Procrastination?

I am applying for my university major. I did not expect this to happen for at least another year.
But here I sit in my baggy sweatshirt, running shorts and iPod plugged in--staring at a word document which I am too afraid to put my thoughts on.
Usually I have plenty to say, and I suppose on this occasion I do too.
It is fear, anxiety and nerves that leave me here listening to music and staring.
The impending judgment.
They will judge my dreams, my goals, my ambitions; all with the power to decide if I get a chance at any of them.
I wrote myself a mantra, it reads:

"I am scared to start my essay for my major because if I fuck this up then it means that I am not worthy of what I REALLY want to do. I should not let this overcome me because if I do than I will be unable to write proficiently and therefore prove myself true because I allowed my nerves to get the best of me."

The problem is that I know what I should be doing, I know all of it but it doe snot help me feel any safer exposing my soul to a stranger.
A stranger who has tremendous control over my future.

It is time to face the inevitable.
I have worked for years to find what I love and to take myself down that path.
I am here now, at the crossroads and I am scared.
Scared of the next step, realizing the implications.
But it is important to take the chance.
I have the assurance and the confidence to know that my ideas are valuable and should be implemented.
This is my chance to share those with someone and have a chance go grow them and reflect on them.
It is a valuable opportunity which I am not willing to let slip by me.


This will be a damn good essay, with my heart prints all over it.